


Enduring Hell

by Lady_Crystal



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Blackmail, Corporal Punishment, Death Threats, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Non-Consensual Touching, Psychological Torture, Torture, lots of lies, not-so-happy-Khan, sometimes author has wicked ideas, there will be some canon!, very nasty descriptions of violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-04-15
Packaged: 2018-01-14 04:54:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1253608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Crystal/pseuds/Lady_Crystal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happened to Khan Noonien Singh after he was awakened by Admiral Marcus is no longer a mystery. This is his story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Minister731 that has decided to translate this fanfic in Chinese! The Link can be found in the comments of the first chapter!! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

My name is Khan Noonien Singh. 

This is the story of what happened wafter I was awakened.

This will tell you what lead me to rebel and fight Starfleet.

This is my truth.

Do not pity me, dear reader.

Do not think of me as a martyr. 

I shall not allow you. 

But do despise the men that did those things to me.

Do feel sick and decide to rebel against them.

That I shall gladly allow you.

 

We were found by the men we were hoping to escape. They weren't the same people obviously, but in 300 years humanity hasn't changed a bit. 

So yes, the men that forced us into exile, found us 260 years later. 

I was the only one that was awakened. How unfortunate for me. But a good thing for my crew. I'm not complaining dear reader. I am a leader and I have proved myself to be a worthy ruler by enduring hell. 

On my later checks, I found out that my life-support system failed as soon as they touched it. But I survived, thanks to my agumented nature. The first thing I asked, in the few seconds of awareness after waking up, was how much time had passed. 

The man that woke me up, I cannot even remember his face, replied 260 years. I passed away as soon as I heard it, without having time to feel relief or anything else. 

I was weak. I should have died when the system failed. God knows how much I hoped to be dead later on. But I survived. 

Brace yourself dear reader. For what you will find out will not give you joy nor entertain you. 

I hope it will repel you, disgust you, and make you think of how low you've fallen.  And maybe open your eyes and make you rebel against it for your own future, because I don't have much left anymore. 

I was weaker than expected after the cryostasis. And the system failure didn't help. My entire body ached and I couldn't stand the light or the noise. 

I stayed in bed for weeks. It was longer than planned, even for an agumented. 

I remember I was feeling better after the first 3 days. I asked about my crew every time I could. 

We were 85 when the Botany Bay left the Earth. Now only 72 members of my crew were alive.  12 life support systems failed and I had no idea of which ones of my most beloved friends to mourn. I only knew that 30 of the 72 survivors were women. 

It was all my fault, what happened later. I insisted so much about their state. I couldn't help it. My crew is my family. I'd be damned if I didn't worry about my family. And they noticed how much I cared about them. 

After the third day my conditions dropped. I was unconscious for weeks and when I was half awake everything hurted. My skin, my muscles, my bones, my eyes, my throat... Everything. 

Until, 4 weeks later, I woke up. I was helathy and strong enough to stand up, walk a bit around. I walked in front of a mirror, and looked carefully.

Only that the face looking back at me wasn't mine. It couldn't be mine. Yet it was me. I raised a hand and so did the unknown man. 

My fierce brown eyes were now a mix of blue, green, gray, and gold. There I saw no pride, nor courage. I saw fear and despair.

My amber skin was now pale and my veins could be seen through. It looked so pale and ill. 

And my hair were cut in a short, military style. 

My body was thinner, less muscles, yet fit and steady but not as much as I was before. 

My face was different. Longer. My jaw was almost  smaller than my own neck. Even my cheekbones were different. I looked like an otter. Dreadful.

-This is impossible...- I said to myself. My throat was sore. It took me a couple of minutes to get it work properly. 

My voice wasn't bad though. Sounded deep and smooth. Even my accent was different. 

It felt like having a jaguar or a dragon hidden in my chest. But only the voice could be saved. 

I was a handsome man before. Back in my time I was a handsome man. All the women would fight to be my concubines.  Now I was an ugly, horseface looking man. Now I was the ugliest man on earth, with multiple chins and no jaw. 

I looked sick and ill. I hated it. I hated the man in the mirror. 

-What have you done to me?!- I urged as soon as I heard footsteps. His name was Alexander Marcus and he was a bastard. A bastard I gladly killed. 

-Oh nothing. I just took some precautions. We cannot have an old war criminal wandering around. Someone might recognize you as who you really are.- He looked at me in a way that revolted my stomach.

-And you know who I am?- I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible. This worked better than expected. The new voice was a good one. Powerful. Marcus looked at me with a little more attention.

-Khan Noonien Singh. Leader of the Eugenic wars, ruled half of the Asian contient and now one of the 73 agumented still alive. Did I get it right?- 

-Then you know that I'll make you pay for what you did to me.- I wanted to kill him already but his guards were pointing weapons at me. I was still weak and had no idea of how powerful they were. I couldn't risk attacking him then.

-Oh no, you won't. Actually you'll give me everything I want from you and you know why?- and then I realized in fear what he meant. Before even hearing it. He had my crew. 

-Because if you don't, there might be only 71 agumented left later.- he laughed. He laughed at me. 

-No... You won't!- and even if I tried to control it, fear managed to come out of my voice as well as my new eyes.

-Don't test me sunshine!- How dared he! I was a King. Men died, women begged, countries fell under my domain. And yet I was there, changed against my will, about to beg mercy for my family. About to obey every single order Markus was going to give me. I was a slave. I hated him. He started playing with me, using me like his personal toy, even before meeting me. I was trapped. But pride was still there in my chest. Roaring.  

-I don't fear you! If you really know who I am then you should run from me, old man!- ah my dear pride. I managed to offend him but I paid the price for it.

-You should be terrified by me sunshine. I am Admiral Alexander Marcus. If I order you to eat my shit, you will eat it. And you know why? Because I could kill you and your crew immediately and the entire Federeation would put a medal on me.- 

-Then do that already.- 

-Nah! I've already got more medals than space on my jacket. But i want to exploit you and your agumented nature.-

-I'd rather die.-

-Then I'll wake one of your crewmmbers! And use them for my purposes!- he turned around heading for the exit.

-NO! STOP!- I knew I had lost that battle the moment he looked back at me. With that smirk on his ugly face. But my crew was in danger. How could I abandon them? Force them into hell for my own pride? No. I was a leader, and a leader knows when to swallow his prde. 

-Please, sir. I'll do anything you want. Just let them live.- Dear reader you have no idea of how many times I had to repeat this plea that year. But it worked. And it doesn't matter of how much it burns in my chest and how much of my pride I had to swallow every time. They live.

-Good. You're a fast learner. Let's see what you can do then. Your crew safety depends on how useful you prove yourself to be.- I am a superior mind, but 300 years of modern technology, I have to admit, worried me. 

-And to prevent some riot from you... let's give you a sample of what will happen if you... Misbehave.- He smiled as his guards injected something in my arm, while I was struggling. I wasn't in my full strength dear reader. 

What happened next, I'll tell you later. Right now you have enough information to help you imagine what I was going to endure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Author speaking!  
> Please don't take this chapter as an attempt to insult Ben!  
> I'm a huge fan of Benedict Cumberbatch and the Khan inner thoughts about his new looks are NOT what I think of Benedict!  
> I just thought that that's what the Khan I know from Space Seed would think if he wakes up looking like Ben!  
> I don't think Ben is ugly or looking ill or dreadful or anything bad i wrote about him!  
> I actually adore the man and have a vaguely extreme amount of pictures and other stuff regarding him in my room, phone, computer and everything that belongs to me!  
> Please forgive me if a gave the wrong impression!  
> Thanks for reading!! Lots of love!


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

I see you are still here dear reader.

This part of my story is full of things that I will never forget, nor forgive.

I have struggled with myself werther to write it completely or not. 

Eventually i decided to keep myself to the truth, with all details.

You are not an agumented and you might be easlily impressed. 

If you are easily impressed here's the short version of what happened after my first meeting with Marcus.  
  
Torture, starvation, dissection and tests.

If you think you are strong enough and want the details then keep reading, and know that I appreciate your courage.

  
  
  
What they injected in me had a double purpose. To make me fall unconscious and to make me weaker. It worked pretty well indeed. When I opened my eyes I was tied on a platform, in a standing position.   
My wrists and ankles were tied by metal cuffs, strong enough to not break, even after my effotrs. And Marcus added some fun for himself too. The walls were mirrors. Everywhere I looked I saw the unknown man. The ugly, weak, lost man.  
I stood there alone, in that room for a long time, about a week, in my approximative time counting. The lights were always on, and sleeping was impossible. My eyes ached and the other me kept looking back. Then I realized another thing I hated abut the new face.

His eyes. His eyes never lied. His eyes were an open book. I could read every single thing on that face and in those eyes.   
Back in my time, with my real looks, I always managed to have a menacing face in every situation. Or at least a "poker face" as you call it today. My enemies never knew what i was thinking or feeling.  
But this new face... Oh this new face was so expressive. There was fear in those eyes, despair too, loneliness and pain. Those damned eyes were my curse. The man in the mirror was a shattered man. A broken man. A weak man. A man crying for help.

How could I be him? How could it be me? And above all, how could he save 72 lives when he was so uncapable of putting himself togherther?   
12 of my friends were dead and that number could grow. Which ones? I needed to know. But no-one told me. I was left alone for almost all the time. No food was provided to me. I was trained to survive starvation longer than a human. But I had eaten nothing since I was awakened.   
I had been fed by tubes while in bed and now nothing. I feel no shame in admitting that thirst and hunger hurted me more than expected. I hate to admit that the lack of sleep hurted me too. I had slept for 260 years. And yet that sleepless week affected me.   
It was also cold in that room. I hate cold. It was cold in my cryotube as well. The man in the mirror was almost to tears. That meant I was close to tears. It took me a lot of effort to keep them inside. I realized that everythin I could see, THEY could see. And I wasn't going to allow them to see me weak again. I decided to work on the new face. To learn again how to conceal. To be still again.   
  
They started testing my healing ability first. An agumented is interesting to study. Blood samples were taken. I am sure they already tested a lot on me while they were changing my looks. This tests were more ricreative material. 

I was a good fighter, I already endured broken bones. This doesn't mean that it didn't hurt when they broke them again. 

They were all wearing safety suits, and I couldn't see their faces. One of them took some blood from my veins. Another was writing on a pad. The last one pushed a table with the equipments in front of me. I could see Tweezers, hammers, different sizes of saws and scapels. Also a cylindric item that I found out later was a blue fire torch. 

They started With the scalpel. Cutting different parts of my skin and monitoring the healing time. The first ones were only scratches for a warrior like me. Not screaming was easy. 

Then they started to cut deeper. The muscles on my thigs hurted a lot whrn they got cut. I barely contained a scream. 

-You don't have to go easy on him gentlemen! He's a warrior!- His voice sent a chill along my spine. Marcus. -Isn't it right John?- He looked at me grinning. He called me John. How dared he changing my name.

-My name is Khan.- I said looking angry at him. 

-No. That man died long ago. Your name is John Harrison.- Then I realized his game. he gave me a no-one name because I was a no-one man. But I wasn't no-one

-I am Khan Noonien Singh! You might take my face from me but you won't change who I am!- I roared back. He laughed and took one of the scalpels from the table.   


-Oh, believe me I will...- he said an pressed the scalpel on my chest cutting a straight line, gashing open my skin and my blood started puring out immediately. I didn't scream. He smirked. 

-I will take everything from you. Now I want a scream. And you will scream for me sunshine.- he pressed his scalpel on the skin above my right nipple. The sensation of the cold metal on my skin lasted only a second. 

-Come on... Scream for me.- and I screamed when the scalpel cutted the sensitive skin on my nipple in half.   


-See what a cheap whore you are sunshine?- He patted my face and caressed my hair mockingly. 

It hurted my pride as much as it hurted me. -Fuck you Marcus.- 

-Oh he likes dirty talk huh? I'll keep that in mind when I'll be fucking the hell out of your ass and mouth.- He turned to one of the doctors. -Let's try with his bones shall we?- 

It took them several efforts to break my Tibia. Eventually they managed to break it in only two points instead of the three planned. So they broke four of my ribs as an extra. I screamed and screamed and urged them to stop.  
The pain was so much I couldn't keep my tears insie. The John Harrison man was weak. I was weak. Even breathing hurted like hell. I fainted at some point. Only to wake up with every single one of my veins burning. Something wrong was inside my blood and they had putted it there. And the burning didn't stop. My stomach was aching, my body dehydratated. I started having allucinations. My family was screaming while they were killing them and all I could do was stare and scream because John Harrison wasn't enough. My broken bones were a constant pain and the broken ribs sent a wave of pain with every breath. I wanted to die. Then their faces came into my mind. All of them. I counted 84 faces knowing that twelve of them were dead. But if I failed... No! I wouldn't fail. So I did what he wanted.

-I give up. You won. Admiral Marcus! Can you hear me?- I screamed. -I'll do anything you want. Let them live. I will obey you in every single one of your orders.- and his voice echoed in the room.

-What's your name?- The first act of defeat. The man on the mirror looked back at me. His eyes were empty and he looked so old and tired. Broken, hopeless and helpless. I took a deep breath and ate his shit.

-John Harrison-


	3. Chapter 3

 

Once again welcome back dear reader.

Your constant curiosity is a relief for me.

My words would be useless if there's no-one to receive them. 

Today's part of my story isn't going to be nice.

It still makes me want to throw up every time I think of it. 

But I promised to tell the truth so here you go dear reader.

Enjoy!

 

That burning sensation running through my veins didn't fade away for a long time. It was some kind of poison meant to make me weaker and more vulnerable. Needless to say it worked quite well.

They gave me some medicine to heal faster my broken bones and ribs but nothing else. Marcus had plans for me. And they were worse than I could imagine. 

The day after my surrender he ordered me to go to his quarters. I had barely recovered myself and walking or moving was painful. When I arrived he was sitting, eating lunch alone.

The table in front of my eyes was full of different meals. Baked potatoes and roast beef. Soup. Chicken and rice. Fish in tomato sauce. And everything good ot tasty you can imagine. The smell of the food almost made me dizzy.

Marcus was sitting there. His fingers and mouth greasy, eating like a pig and looking at me. My mouth was full with saliva. The exquisite smell of the meals made my stomach twist painfully. I was starving. I had eaten nothing from the day I was awakened.

And Marcus knew it. He looked at me while swallowing a mouthful of potatoes and smiled. The pain in my stomach was now perfectly audible from the noises it made. I myself was doing my best to not look desperately at the food.

I looked straight forward eventually, to the wall opposite to me. I was doing everything I could to make my new face look blank. Useless to say how hard it was when all that food was there, so close to me. 

-Are you hungry John?- his voice was mocking me as much as his twisted smile. I stayed silent clenching my jaw. 

-Let's make things clear sunshine. When I ask you something you must answer or obey. It's mandatory! If you don't you'll see what happens to your crew.- he pierced me with his eyes. -Are we clear?- 

-Yes sir.- and in that precise instant it officially started. My slavery. You think I gave in too quickly maybe. but the truth is i still saw the faces of my crew. And still not knew which ones were still alive.

-Let's try it again then, shall we? Are you hungry John? Tell me the truth!- he repeated like he was dealing with a stupid child. I didn't make eye contact with him though. i kept looking straight forward.

-Yes sir. I am hungry.- He wanted to humiliate me. Well... He was going to do it anyway, so I just swallowed my pride. The only thing I had swallowed from the beginning of this story. And it tasted incredibly bitter.  

-See? It wasn't that difficult was it?- he smiled. -Come forth sunshine. Here! Next to me!- and he reached for the roast beef.

For a moment I hoped he was going to give the plate to me. I allowed for a split second to hope. The hunger tricks people's mind. Even the superior ones. Instead he took one slice and thew it on the ground right in front of his feet. My heart skipped a beat.

_"Oh no... Not this. Please."_   Food on the ground. He kicked it closer to me. 

-Here! Eat it! It's all yours!- he said laughing. I didn't move. I had pets back in my castle. I gave them food too. But I always fed them with my hands and in their bowls. I never did something like that! Never! But this was what he was giving to me... I was his dog now.   
-Didn't you hear me John? Or are you refusing my kindness?- he roared. -Eat it! On your knees! Now! Like the dog you are.- he ordered. I obeyed dear reader. I was hungry and I feared what he might do to my friends if i didn't obey. I knelt and reached my hand to grab the meat. 

-No no no sunshine! Like a dog! Dogs don't have hands! Just your sweet little mouth!- he said. And I obeyed.

The floor had been cleaned but the taste of dirt was there. On the otherwise exquisite meat. was that a hair on the meat? Probably. Something hard hit my teeth while chewing. It wasn't part of the meat. It was something that tasted like dirt and earth. I wanted to spit it out immediately. 

-Are you complaining sunshine?- his voice reached me while I was struggling to swallow. 

-No sir.- I said in gasp. trying my best to keep the tears and the "food" inside.

-Good. I am good after all! Ah! And when you finish it I want you to clean the floor from the grease with that glorious tongue of yours! Understood?- he smiled. 

-Yes sir- I replied keeping my eyes low and biting the meat again. This was disgusting.  

-Good boy! Here! Have some wine!- he poured a glass on the floor next to me and the liquid reached my fingers.

He wanted me to lick it all clean. I closed my eyes and swallowed the last buit of meat. Then I took a deep breath and started licking the floor. The wine might have been good but i couldn't tell now. just the taste of the dirt and the cold floor was on my tongue and lips.

But the humiliation didn't end there. When I was turned around I felt his hand reaching and grabbing my ass. It was so sudden and unexpected that I straightened myself abruptly. His fingers picnched me and it wasn't the pain but the surprise of it that shocked me. I hit the table and the glass of wine he had in his hand "accidentally" poured on his crotch.

-Ah! You filthy bastard! Look at the mess you've made! I'll teach you some manners later. Come here and clean it! Now!- he roared.

I was speechless. It was obvious that he did it all by himself on purpose and I couldn't believe that he had just touched me like no-one should. I looked at him in horror and surprise. No doubt my new face was giving it away.

-Now dog! Suck it clean!-the horror in my eyes increased. He wanted me to lick and suck his wet crotch! That filthy bastard! I didn't move. Paralyzed by all that situation. 

-Would you rather see one of yours die then?- he said grabbing my hair and pulling. Some of my hairs were pulled out of their roots. Again their faces cried for help in my head.

-No! No, please. I'll do it... Please!- I said crawling between his legs like a puppy begging for his owner. What he asked me to do was disgusting and revolting and wicked. 

The fabric of the trousers was thin and was now like a second skin on him. I leaned my head forward and started sucking the fabric on his thighs. I could feel the skin underneath the fabric and his blood pounding faster in his veins. I kept my eyes shut as much as possible. 

-Come on sunshine! Clean it all!- he said caressing my head now. That felt even worse than possible. He was petting me like an animal! No, not just it! he also pushed my head where he wanted. I was getting closer to his dick and balls now. Oh that was disgusting. And even more disgusting was the fact that he was getting hard.

_"Oh no..."_

I could smell him too... I wanted to throw up.

-Wait sunshine.- he said and I looked at him full of hope. How stupid of me.

-Lick my fingers clean. My napkin is too far away.- he grinned stretching his hand in front of me.

_"Shit."_

He caressed my lips and pushed two fingers in my mouth.

-Lick them and look at me while you do it. So I'll see how you'll look like while sucking my dick.- His voice was so rough now.

What I had just eaten wanted to come out again. His fingers were greasy and thick. They tasted of chicken and potatoes and... oh God was that the taste of his saliva? Yes it was.My tongue flicked back and forth fast and I sucked as much as I could while looking at him. I wanted it to be over soon. But every second of that humiliation burned in my chest.

-You're an eager bitch aren't you sunshine? Well done! Now get back to my trousers where you left it and don't forget to look at me with those pretty eyes of yours.- he caressed again my hair.

With horror I realized that he was even harder than before. I couldn't avoid it now. My lips pressed on the fabric and felt the hard pulsing cock under it.

_"Shit."_

-Oh you have such a gorgeous mouth haven't you sunshine?- he groaned while touching my neck. Cold chills spread through my body at his touch on my bare skin.

-I can feel it from here. Go on, suck it like the good whore that you are!- and I obeyed.

The wine I was sucking was warm now. And his dick was harder than ever. I could feel every single heartbeat of his. He grabbed my head and pulled again, guiding it to where he wanted me to suck. He was moaning now and all I wanted to do was to kill him. But i resisted that urge. As long as my family lives I'll endure him. Then he pulled my lips where the head of his cock was.

-Keep sucking sunshine... A bit harder... And remember to lick every once in a while...- he repeated.

Was he going to? Yes he was. The bloody bastard was going to come. I just wanted to pull back and run away. But I obeyed. And kept sucking his hard cock through the fabric of his trousers. What I didn't expect was that he reached to grab my ass again, he pinched me and then pulled my head hard against his dick. I felt it pulse on my lips and new wetness was added. And I felt the disgusting taste on mu lips and tongue. I tried to back insinctively but he stopped me and roared.

-Did I tell you to stop? Suck it clean!- he ordered.

I wanted to throw up. Instead I sucked his filthy semen through that fabric and swallowed it along with my pride. 

-See what a good whore you are sunshine? I'm definitely going to enjoy you!- he laughed while petting me.

I stood there. Blank. On my hands and knees. When he ordered me to go to my room I obeyed.

Only when I was in my room I looked at the mirror. John Harrison had tears running through his cheeks, tears of shame and rage. And they tasted bitter.

But there was something new there. His face was still and blank. Good. 


	4. Chapter 4

Welcome back dear reader. 

I am flattered by your curiosity

Today's story won't be like the ones I told you before

Nevertheless it is crucial to know it now rather than later.

I know you want to read about me and my story mostly.

But she is part of it so today I am going to talk you about her.

Her name was Marla McGivers and Marcus made a huge mistake underestimating her.

Her name was Marla McGivers and she was brilliant.

Her name was Marla McGivers and she loved me.

Her name was Marla McGivers and I loved her.

Allow me to describe her to you dear reader. Hazel green eyes, mahogany hair, white skin and a fit body. But there was something else. Something that told me she was clever.

But Marla McGivers wasn't just clever. She was brilliant. She had the beauty that is typical of a smart woman. There is always something in the eyes of a smart woman, something that tells you that she is more than the average.

That light that tells you that she would spend her nights reading a book rather than going out and flirting with the first guy that buys her a drink. That she observes everything and yet doesn't feel like belonging to that reality.

That she lives in her own world but faces the tough things of real one.

She had that way of looking at people, like she could read you like one of those books of hers and find something that is worth saving in you, even if you don't think you're worthy enough to be saved. 

She also had the hint of a word on her lips, ready to be told, because a woman like her could speak the right words in the right moment and be your curse or your salvation, yet she preferred to stay silent and not give herself to people she instinctively felt untrustworthy.

And she was beautiful because she was smart. Marcus made a huge mistake when he introduced her to me. Not one actually. Many mistakes. He gave me the opportunity to create a bond with a superior woman.

He assumed she was a lesbian, the old idiot, because she had turned down many men. What he didn't realize was that she turned all these men down because they weren't worthy enough for her and she knew it. She wasn't scared of being alone.

That's why she didn't want to be with someone she didn't love. Marcus didn't realize that and assumed that she liked women instead. And she didn't care about his opinion and never corrected him. Actually she didn't care about anybody's opinion. 

She had a fit body. She wasn't the skinny type that was so mandatory. She didn't work out to be skinny. She worked out because she wanted to be healthy. And there's a huge difference in that. You could read her entire life in her hazel green eyes.

All the sleepless nights spent on her books and computer. All the joy of achieving something she worked hard for. All her passion and all the good in her heart that made her a superior woman.

She wasn't afraid of expressing her opinion. Even if it meant to go against the big guys. She also could stand up and fight for what she wanted.

If you have something in common with her dear reader know that I should gladly have you in my crew. For I would think of you as superior.

I first had no idea of all these things about her. I just assumed she was an enemy and tried no approach.

And I was sure she would never find the looks of John Harrison attractive. I was wrong... 

Forgive me for this long praise on her. But I couldn't help it, considering what happened between us. I wish things had gone differently.

Maybe in another reality Marla and I managed to grow old toghether. Maybe we lived and ruled toghether. Maybe we even had a family. 

But I am certain of one thing.

Marla McGivers was meant to cross my path just like Kirk and Spock.

She was meant to change it and walk with me, even if just for an hour, or a day, or a week or a month or a year or decades. 

I am sure that in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in every version of reality, we'd find and choose each-other.

When this is over remember her dear reader.

Remember Marla Madlyn McGivers.

But let's go back to the facts now. 

I had to catch up 260 years of technology and history. That's why Marcus choose her. When she walked in my room following him I was sitting on my bed, looking at the brand new wrist band they gave me earlier that morning.

It was not a fashion thing dear reader. It was a torture device. An alternative to a dog's collar. Every time my owner thougt it necessary an electronic wave would shock my body for as long as he wanted. They tested the calibration very carefullly, I assure you.

The pain was so much it knocked me out for minutes. I just layed there, breathing heavily. Waiting for the pain to fade.

Every attempt of taking it off would be punished. Every attempt to escape would be punished. Every order not obeyed would be punished. Of course along with the death of one of my people. I was trapped. 

When he saw me looking at the wrist-band he smiled. He was enjoying his victory. 

\- This is Lieutenant Mcgivers.- he started introducing her. -She is one of our Engineers, works as a Control Systems Specialist and is incredibly fond of history from the twentieth century until today. She will be your tutor until you catch up everything you need to know to be useful for us. You have 2 weeks time.- He was so pleased with himself. Marla instead looked quite annoyed but she was standing a step behind him and he didn't notice. I was paying too much attention to Marcus to care.

-Yes sir.- I said nodding and looked at her for a split second, just to memorize what she looked like. 

-Don't think you can make her fall for you. I have seen her refuse proposals from brilliant men. It took me a while to work out and get on the fact that she's a lesbian! Such a waste... But better like this right? She will do perfectly in this situation. Right Marla?- He smirked at her. Like I thought of trying. I was sure the new looks were a way to repel women. Even though she proved me I was wrong eventually.

-I am flattered by your expectations on me sir. I hope not to disappoint you. - she said with a smile that was hiding extremely good how much she loathed him. But something in her eyes made me think that Marcus had just made a huge mistake on her.

-I'm sure you won't gorgeous.- I thought the way he said that was extremely offensive. -John, you will do everything that she says. If you don't improve fast enough or do something that I don't like... You know what will happen.- he said looking at me.

-Yes sir.- I repeated. 

-You can start from now.- he ordered and left. 

Only after the door was well closed behind him I allowed myself to look properly at her. I had no Idea how important she was going to be for me. I Just thought she was beautiful and smart. But we didn't create a bond immediately. 

She was incredibly professional. I managed to catch up on history and technology quite fast thanks to her. I had computers available for information of course. But nothing beats a human bening. Especially a smart and competent one.

She knew all the answers to my questions. I was incredibly obsolete for their eyes of course, but she never made fun or laughed at me. That I really appreciated. We met every day for 4 hours.

The rest of my time was decided and scheduled by Marcus. That time was hell and I am going to tell you about it the next time since it demands several chapters.

But the time I spent with her was pleasant. And soon I realized that my superior mind was pleasing her as well. One day she complimented me for my work. Another day she even gifted me with a smile. Another day, by the end of our lession, I dared asking her. 

-Do you know who I really am?- I looked at her.

-I know exactly who you were and are.- she replied looking at me. 

-Then you know I have a crew somewhere...-

-Yes of course.- She knew what I was going to ask. I could see it in her eyes the moment she realized it.

-Tell me then. I can't live like this! Which ones are alive? Which ones are dead.- the alarm rang, ending the lesson. She rose. And I tried to stop her by taking her hand. It was so soft, smooth and warm. And delicate. 

-Please... I just want to know which ones to mourn.- And maybe John's eyes were expressive enough to tell her how much I needed that answer. But she didn't know that answer yet. She knew something else though.

After looking at my eyes for a couple of seconds she took a deep breath and she caressed my face with her other hand and it was such a gentle touch. She looked me with such sad eyes. Full of mercy and pity and pain. 

-You should mourn yourself...- she whispered and her hand squeezed mine. Then she left. I realized later how right she was.


	5. Chapter 5

 

Hello again dear reader.

It's time to get back to the main character.

Today's story is something I'm not happy to share. But I have to. 

I owe this to myself, to you and to all those who want to go beyond the smokescreen. 

 

Marcus wanted to enjoy me. But he had chosen the slow burn approach. 

The first time he humiliated me with the wine and food. Now he wanted to show off with his colleagues. 

After I was given my wrist slavery-band and Marla had finished our first lesson he called me. I went to the room where he was waiting for me.

-I've got a meeting in an hour. Some of my colleagues are going to join me for an encounter. I want you to be our butler. All right sunshine?- he said drinking something Blue from his glass.

I was going to serve them. I once was a King. Loved by my people. Worshipped almost as a God. And now...

-May I ask what exactly are my mansions going to be sir?- I dared while looking straight forward and not making eye-contact. 

-Oh nothing much sunshine! You just have to serve us tea, coffee, put milk and sugar in our cups. Pour whiskey, romulan ale and scotch in our glasses and keep them full... Look pretty and please us all!- he grinned. -And wear the uniform of course.- he laughed escorting me to the room where two different uniforms were waiting. 

One of them was a shirt and trousers completely white. The other one was a maiden uniform. The skirt was so short it could barely cover my ass. All the color on my face was drained in an instant. I stood there still and speechless. 

-It's ok Johnny boy! You can start with the white one. If I think you're not pleasing me and our guests enough, you'll change your clothes into something more... Fun!- He laughed patting my back. I closed my eyes, forcing the urge to kill him back into the corner of my head.  I hated him. My humiliation was going to be public now. 

-Go on sunshine! Strip!- he said sitting on a chair next to the door. 

I had no choice but to obey. I took off my shirt, uncovering my pale skin. Allowing him to lay his eyes on every inch of me. 

-Fold your clothes! You don't want to spoil them do you?- he grinned. 

I did what he said. Then I took my trousers off. I still had underwear on, but I could feel his eyes on me. Observing me. It was revolting. 

I folded my trousers too and reached for the white uniform. 

-No no no sunshine!- he said stopping me. -I said your clothes. Aren't your pants clothes too? Cone on, don't be shy. Take them off!- He was barely containing a note of triumph in his voice. 

That man was sick dear reader. 

Reluctantly I took them off but when I was bent in two he ordered me to stay still. Bent and naked. I was completely exposed, now. I stood still and my jaw clenched when I heard him stand up and slide his hands on my back. 

-You're so hot John... You make me so hard and horny...- I felt him striking my ass with his erection through his trousers. 

I couldn't help myself. I jerked and pulled myself away from him. I regretted it immediately. 

-You don't like it sunshine? You'll learn to...- he said and there was a wicked light in his eyes. -But now I have to punish you!- and I hadn't time to breathe. 

The electric wave was shot into my body immediately. It was so intense I couldn't even scream. Breathing was impossible too. My heart was acting crazy. Jumping beats for a while and pumping furiously a few seconds later. I was jerking without control on my body. 

Please believe me dear reader when I say that the pain I felt was so much that it could drive someone less than me crazy. To me it was... words fail me to describe such pain. The loss of my loved ones only hurted more than that.

It lasted less than 30 seconds but it felt like hours. When it was over I was laying there, gaping for breath coughing and choking. 

Everything was spinning around me and I was barely aware that I was now completely naked and at mercy of a really wicked man. I couldn't move. He could do anything to me and there was nothing I could do to stop him. 

And you know what dear reader? He did it. He did something horrible to me. 

While I was gaining consciousness of my surroundings I heard him move next to me. 

I wanted to back off, to curl away but I couldn't even blink. And then I felt something hard pushing in my anus. I looked at him in horror but only an incoherent feeble sound managed to come out of my throat. He smiled. 

-Don't struggle! If you do it will hurt you ever more.- he petted my hair while pushing that dildo harder inside me. It was cold and metallic and yet it burned like hell. 

-Sorry, I forgot the lube! You'll have it dry! Do you mind?- he pushed harder and I felt it slide inside me so suddenly I almost fainted from the pain. 

I was shaking and sweating. Yet no sound managed to come out of my throat. I was breathless. Tears were running through my cheeks and the pain was not easing. 

-No? You're not saying anything! You're an agumented... Maybe you aren't feeling anything yet... I should probably do something to help...- and with a final thrust he shoved the metallic dildo completely inside of me. 

I screamed in pain and jerked. My entire body was screaming for help and burning like hell. 

-Take it off and I'll kill your crew.- he said stepping on my back with a foot. 

-Actually I want you to keep it inside you during all the meeting and until I order you to take it off. Understood?- he passed his thumb on my lips. 

-After you manage to move, I want you to stand up and wear your white uniform.- he laughed while stepping back.

I looked at him with all the hate that I could. He just moved back to his chair and looked at me as I slowly stopped shivering and gained control over my arms and legs. 

The pain in my ass wasn't easing. The dildo he used wasn't actually very thick. But it was long about 6 inches. And it hurted like Hell having it shoven up completely inside your body. 

How was I supposed to serve them during a meeting with that thing inside me when every move sent a jolt of pain in me? 

Slowly I stood up and wincing I put the white clothes on. Then the old wicked admiral ordered me to go to the conference room, but not before spanking my ass. 

The meeting was hell. There were only 5 men there but I had to keep their glasses full and with a long metal dildo deep up your back it wasn't easy. I wanted to break their skulls but instead I kept pouring them drinks. 

They were discussing about something called section 31. A secret area set up to develop weapons against possible threats. 

-And what's the new secret weapon you have discovered?- asked one of them while I was pouring more whiskey in his glass. It was the fifth glass actually. 

He was bald and his lips were thin. Marcus smiled and pointed at me. 

-The butler? Are you kidding me?- 

-He was Khan Noonien Singh. The last of the agumented to walk the earth. He's not completely operative yet obviously, he still has a lot of technology to catch up, but he's a very good start. Look how obedient he is now.- he smiled. 

-How did you do it Alex?- asked a white haired one looking at me in interest. 

-Pain is a very good motivator! The XH-12 is working perfectly on him!- he pointed at my wrist band. 

-Well congratulation Alex!- said another. 

-Of course I will keep you informed about his progress in our next meetings. Right now I have to call this session to an end. Thank you gentlemen.- he clapped his hands and they left. 

He ordered me to pour another shot into his glass. 

-You were very good today... I'm proud of you.- he caressed my back and cupped my asscheek. -I'll give you treat.- he drank the whiskey in a single gulp and stood up. 

-Come on sunshine.- he took me to my room and ordered me to strip. I obeyed again. Even though I feared what was coming for me, I feared more what was going to happen to my crew if I didn't do as ordered.

-Do you want to take that thing off you?- he asked. I nodded. 

-I didn't hear! Say it! Come on!- 

-I want to take it out of me.- I said. 

-Take what out?- he asked. I was shaking again. He was messing with me, knowing that I couldn't take it anymore.

-I want to take the dildo out of me.- I paused. -Please sir.- I added. 

He smiled. -See? You're behaving properly now! Come here! I'll take it out for you!- that wasn't what I wanted but I obeyed. 

He made me bent in front of him and then, very slowly he started to pull out the metal dildo. 

It burned and burned but I was feeling so much more relief with every inch that got out. I sighed when it was out with a pop. But then I felt something else pushing inside my hole. Marcus had two fingers pushing in. I had been stretched for hours and his fingers were sliding so easy in and out me. 

-Look at this! You are so much softer now. That thing really did you good.- He shoved his fingers deep inside and brushed my prostate. I moaned. Werther of pain or pleasure I cannot be sure. 

He pulled out and grabbed my cock. I wasn't hard yet. -Maybe you need some incentive.- he waved something in front of me. This time it was a dick shaped dildo. 

-You're gonna enjoy it!- and before I could say anything he pushed it hard inside me. 

I screamed when it hit my prostate and then Marcus turned it on. It started vibrating. The waves of pleasure started taking over my entire body. It was betraying me. My cock started to get harder. I didn't want it but my body wasn't obeying me. 

-Look at me John.- Marcus ordered. I turned and saw him jerking his cock. It was thick and hard. Veins were pulsing all around it. There was already pre-cum on its head. That was so gross. And he was looking at my hard cock. 

-Do you want to come here and suck me John?- he asked. 

I jerked my head. -No I don't, you repel me.- I have no idea of where I found the strength to say it. He laughed. 

-You'll change your mind soon.- he stroked himself again. -Do you want to come then John?- 

I nodded. Yes I did. I wanted to release myself from all that frustration. 

-Then let's make a deal. If you make me come by using only your hands I'll let you come and give you proper food. What do you think?- 

I looked at him in rage. 

-Or I can kill...- he started. I didn't want to hear those words again. 

I reached forward and touched his cock. It was hard and I could feel the blood pumping in his veins. I ran my fingers along the shaft and gave him a couple of slow strokes. 

-Oh yes... You're an expert aren't you?- he whispered touching my hair. 

I clenched my teeth and ran my thumb on its head, he groaned. I had no lube so I put my lips over it and let my saliva pour on it. Marcus sighed his pleasure at this move. Then I started stroking harder, giving swirls with my thumb at its head.  I could feel his heartbeat grow faster and jerked him harder.  I wanted this to be over as soon as possible. I was lucky. He was already reaching his orgasm. With a groan he came and I jerked back my head fast enough to avoid his sperm shot. It landed on his thighs while the rest of it slowly slided on my hand. I released his dick and watched in disgust my hand, covered in his semen. 

I was going to clean it with Marcus' blood someday. I promised that to myserlf. 

-You're such a talented whore aren't you?- he breathed while zipping his trousers back. Then he looked at me. And smirked. He pressed something and the vibrator still inside me started buzzing harder. 

I felt a sudden wave of pleasure and I couldn't stop my gasp of pleasure. 

-You like it don't you?- he said again and pinched my nipple. -Do you want to touch yourself John?- 

I groaned and nodded. God yes I wanted to. But not in front of him... Not with him there watching me. 

-Then do it, come on... Don't be shy!- 

I couldn't resist any longer and started to jerk myself. I was already so desperate that it took me just some strokes to get me close to the orgasm. 

But Marcus was waiting for it. Just when an intense orgasm was shaking my body he activated the wristband. 

And my pleasure became pain, so strong that it paralyzed me at first. 

My back arched almost unnaturally as my orgasm leaked slowly along my shaft. Pleasure and pain were mixed together, melting my brain. Then the pleasure ended. 

I was shaking so hard that even the vibrator I had behind slipped out. The convulsions of pain were stabbings and fire and needles for every inch of my body. I screamed and screamed but the sound was in my head, incapable of reaching my throat. 

It was over eventually. It seemed an eternity. Why did he do that? Because I said he repelled me? Or because he just could do it? I think it was both. 

I layed there. Naked, violated, hurted and with my cum all over my body and floor, begging I don't know who for death or air. Either one was good. Eventually I was given air. 

When I managed to open my eyes I saw him. Marcus was looking at me. 

-Oh you're such a perfect view... I'm going to enjoy you so much...- he grabbed my hair and pulled me into a disgusting kiss that I couldn't shake. Then left me there on the ground. 

Eventually I curled up and cried of shame and despair until I had no more tears. And the worst part of it was that this was only the beginning. 

That night though, the food tray was full of different exquisite meals. I left the wine and the roast-beef untouched.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This chapter is pretty nasty and has very violent description of torture! do not read if you are very sensible.  
> -but if you watch Hannibal or Game of Thrones then this is totally cool and will look like cuddles and puppies to you!(well... not really cuddles and puppies but you got the idea!) so you can read it!- 
> 
> perhaps this is the longest chapter I've ever written! I hope you like it!  
> thanks again for reading ad for your comments and kudos! they always make me happy!  
> Lots of love! <3 <3 <3

Welcome back dear reader.

Today there will be no introduction.

No kind words to prepare you for what will come.

Just as it happened to me, you’ll have no idea of what happened.

So here we go...

 

Marcus had been in London for an entire week, allowing me to catch up faster, free of his disgusting presence, with Marla’s help. But good things don’t last forever. He was back and I was about to meet him.

I still had Marla’s words echoing in my head. “you should mourn yourself...” I had no idea I was going to find out really soon what she meant. That morning I was working on my computer. Studying the transwarp equation that a certain Montgomery Scott had invented. It was brilliant. Then the door opened. At first I thought it was Marla, coming in for our daily lesson.

-Lieutennant McGivers, you’re a bit early!  I’ll be ready in a blink, just give me a moment to learn this equation.- I said still looking at the fascinating numbers and letters on the screen. But the voice that reached me wasn’t that of a woman. It sent chills along my spine to hear it. Marcus was back.

-Hello John. I’m glad to see you. Have you been working hard?- he stepped inside my room and looked at me with a triumphant gaze on his face as soon as he realized how horrified I was at seeing him.

-Well? Aren’t you going to greet me properly? I’ve missed you sunshine!- he asked looking around my place and messing my notes.

-Welcome back Admiral Marcus. I wasn’t expecting you.  If I knew you were coming I’d have... prepared.- I said rising on my feet and folding some of my files.

Despite the tablets and technology I still liked to write things down on paper and Marla was kind enough to allow me to do it. She even gave me some blank notebooks and pens. She said it was fascinating to see a man of the past work as we did back then.

-You’re catching up pretty fast aren’t you?- he said looking at my notes. - Very well. Soon I’ll transfer you to a more suitable place.- he threw my notes messily on the table.

-Where sir?- I looked at the messed up pages I had so carefully written and that Marla had so much praised.

-I’ll make you Commander, and you’ll be my first officer and personal assistant.- he walked around me looking at every inch of me.

-I’m going to London. Working on Section 31. At least, you’ll be working there. Sometimes we’ll be on a place behind Jupiter where you’ll work on something a bit bigger.- he stopped behind me - This way I can keep you always with me...- and he reached to touch me. Sliding his hands on my abs.

I couldn’t help it. It is an innate reflex to push back whoever touches you without you wanting it. So I did it. I pushed him back. It was just a push and it didn’t set on the wrist band. But it made Marcus loose his balance and he fell back. He grabbed the edge of the table and the computer I was working on fell right on him, cutting his lower lip. The moment I saw the blood, I realized what I had done. I looked at him in horror.

-You bastard.- he roared. - I’m gonna make you pay for this!- he rose.

-I’m sorry sir! Please! It was an accident! I didn’t want to hurt you! Please!- My hands were shaking. The faces of my friends were flashing in my mind. I knew I had done something terrible. But maybe he was going to punish only me.

-An accident?- he hissed. -Maybe your XH-12 isn’t working properly...- and he activated it. The next second I was laying on the ground, paralyzed and in agony. Trying to scream or breathe.  Marcus kicked me in the stomach and back while I was incapable of defending myself. The pain stopped after about 40 seconds. Marcus bent over me and pulled my hair.

-I’m going to decide which one of your friends is about to die.- he punched me and I heard a CRACK. My nose was bleeding now.  

-Enjoy this pain. It’s nothing compared to what it’s going to happen to your friends. This time I’ll choose a woman...-

-No, please... no..- I panted. And the HX-12 reactivated. I was left there to jerk for an eternity. Every 40 seconds of pain I was given 20 seconds if rest. This way I was not going to die of heart attack or choke. Marcus wasn’t even staying to enjoy the view. It was simple and plain torture.

But mercy came for me. And had the name of Marla McGivers. She entered my room while I was helplessly shaking. I have no idea of what she did while I was in agony, I was too lost in pain to notice her. But when the pain stopped I felt her hands on both sides of my head.

-Breathe. Come on Khan. Breathe. Deep. We haven’t much time.- I couldn’t move. I blinked and obeyed. I felt something wet on my face. A towel. She was wiping away the blood and the sweat.

-Breathe. It won’t stop until Marcus is satisfied. Just hang on. Bite this.- she putted something in my mouth. Something rubbery. Something to bite while in pain, so I wouldn’t risk cutting my tongue or breaking my teeth. Sweet Marla. Kind Marla. Gentle Marla. She held my head still while another wave of electricity shook my entire body.

-Breathe. Come on. Deep. Drink this, slowly. You’ll need it.- she was giving me some water. Fresh water that burned in my mouth and body. I coughed. But I felt relief after drinking it.

-Ssshhh... Just another sip. Just a bit longer. It will be over soon. I promise. Breathe Khan.- and once again she held my head still while I suffered hell. She was strong, she was a superior woman. She never let me go. She stood there for me. Doing her best to ease a horrible pain. And she was calling me Khan. She had never done that before. The pain ended again.

-Breathe now. Again. You are very brave Khan.- she whispered. I grabbed her arm.

-Help... my... crew... please... he’ll... kill... them... please... Help me...- I coughed and almost choked. She looked at me realizing what I meant. I saw her rise and dash out of the room. Then the pain started again.

 

I must have blacked out at a certain point. Even an augmented cannot stand beyond a certain point of torture. When I woke up I was in a different room. I wasn’t chained but I was locked in there. Marcus was looking at me from a transparent wall.

-I want you to look closely and carefully Khan. Because that’s what happens if you misbehave.- he pressed something on his left and the wall at my right became transparent too. What was in there stopped my heart for a couple of seconds.

Tied to a board, naked, with gashes all over her flesh, her left arm cut away and thrown at her feet, her head bent forward, as if she was unconscious, stood Aljanna. She was the youngest of the augmented that ran with me. One of the first born, not in a lab, but by augmented parents. She looked about 20 years old and was always curious, with the energy typical of her young age. Always ready to help. Wanting to prove herself. Sweet Aljanna. Little Aljanna. And now she was being tortured because of me. The gashes and the blood on her skin were dry. And the missing arm, on the ground was burned to the bone. How long had they been torturing her while I was unconscious?  It shattered me. I ran against the glass and hit it repeatedly.

-Stop it! Don’t touch her! Don’t you lay a finger on her!! Stop it now!- but my voice was isolated. Confined to the room where I was standing. The butchers around her were putting silver discs on her skin, as big as a fingernail. She was still unconscious. I turned at Marcus.

-Please! Make them stop! Please! Hurt me! Do it to me! Not her! Please! Let her go! Let her live!-  I tripped and crawled to his feet. Marcus looked at me raising an eyebrow. If there was a chance for me to save her, I was going to get it. At any cost. - Please! I’ll do anything you want! I’ll be yours! Please! Let her live! Make them stop! Please!- I begged and begged.

A movement caught the corner of my eye. I turned around and saw as Aljanna’s body was jerking unnaturally. Her face was contorted and her mouth was open. Shouting a scream I couldn’t hear. And I don’t know what was worse. The fact that I could not hear  it or the fact that I could imagine how loud pained and high pitched that scream was. That silent scream was jabbing in my chest as much as what I was seeing. 

Believe me dear reader, watching one of the people you have sworn to protect, being tortured because of you is something that shatters you into a million pieces. I was punching the screen, screaming her name over and over. Tears running on my cheeks. Then they allowed her to faint again. Her head dropped again down and I thought she was dead. It might have been merciful after that. I threw myself at the admiral’s feet.

-I beg you! Please! Make them stop! Let her go! Let her live! She’s just a child! Don’t hurt her! Please! No more! Hurt me! Hurt me instead! You can do anything you want to me! I promise! I’ll obey! Please! Have mercy! She’s done nothing to you!- I was pushing with my whole body on the glass between Marcus and me. He looked at me and smiled.

-Turn around John. You’ll miss how this ends. Because that’s what will happen if you misbehave again.- and in horror I saw them as they poured something liquid on her. Then a sparkle and she was on fire. The flames surrounded her and made it impossible for me to see or hear her, but I knew she was screaming and jerking. I saw it almost in slow motion. As her dark hair were the first to be engulfed by the fire. As her whole body shined for an instant before becoming a torch.

-NNNOOOOOOO!!!!- 

 

Someone was screaming in pain. It was the sound of a dying creature. It took me several moments to realize that it was me the one making that sound. And I couldn’t stop it. The glass that was parting me from Aljanna was dotted with blood. My blood. Because every time I hit the glass my blood and flesh left its mark. I screamed and screamed. Cursed, begged, cried. But no use. She was gone. She had no idea why they did it to her. She had no idea it was my fault. Or did she? Had they told her that she was being murdered because of me?  There was something incredibly heavy on my chest, something that was making it painful even to breathe. Guilt.  I was on the ground now. My hands and head leaning on the blood dirty glass. Aljanna was gone. Just ashes left of her. Just because I tried to stop Marcus from fucking me. I had failed protecting my crew. How much did it matter now? I’d allow that old disgusting pervert to do anything to me to protect them. I was shattered. Someone grabbed me and pulled me out. I didn’t fight back. I couldn’t. It was no use. They dragged me to my room and locked me there. I have no idea of how long I stayed there. Curled up, crying and mourning another one of my crew. Someone came inside my room. A gentle touch, a kind voice. I wasn’t listening to her. Nothing could ease my pain and guilt. But she wasn’t nothing. She was my hopebringer.  Marla. She held me tight and close to her chest. She kept talking to me and striking my hair. Eventually I stopped crying. Then she gave me a piece of paper. There were 84 names written on it.

72 of them had the word “cryosleep” next to their names.

12 of them had the words “deceased after life support system failure on Botany Bay” next to their names.

In the latter group was Aljanna’s name.

I looked at her. I wasn’t sure I understood what I just read.

-I’m sorry. I couldn’t stop him from maiming her body. But she died long ago and she didn’t suffer. I swear, Khan.- she whispered gently caressing my face.

-She was already dead?- I asked. How was it possible.

-Yes. I know. It’s horrible what he did to her.- she dried my tears with her thumbs.

-But I saw her move...- I still remember her jerking unnaturally.

-It was inducted. But the others weren’t harmed. He doesn’t want to lose test subjects. He has kept the other’s bodies. I’m so sorry.- she sighed. It was a fake. Yet it was horrible to feel a bit of relief.

-You are giving me hope again... Why should you be sorry?- I asked holding her hand and looking into her eyes.

-Because you must obey him from now on...  I won’t be able to stop him again from hurting them.-

-You won’t have to. I promise. I owe you my family. I will do everything he wants.- I said. And I did it. I kept my promise to her.  She looked at me and then shook her head.

-Ah Khan... you brave, brave man.- and she kissed me. I kissed her back without hesitation.


End file.
